Allen's Talk Show
by Chocolate-Covered-Coffee-Beans
Summary: Folken in a maid's costume? Dilandau wearing a leather outfit? What kind of maddness is this?...it's Allen's talk show! O.o Folken in a maids costume...that is just messed.


AN: OMG! My friend krissy and i wrote this lil fic...well we were really hyper and...well whatever. u get the picture. so i decided to post this...just cause..

i know this sounds so hypocritical but Allen is awesome and not gay (even tho i completly bashed him) . u do tend to bash the ones ya love...if ur gonna call allen a pansy, do it right! lmao (goes for Dilly and all of the others too)Anyhoo without further delay...here's allens talk show! ENJOY!

**Warning...**i made Allen and company...a bit well...gay and a bit...creepy as well. so if ya don't like creepy weird ppl don't read...don't say i didn't warn u!

This is part 01wings story too...she deserves a lot of credit! U ROCK KRISSY! 01wing starts crying

ALLENS TALK SHOW! 

Allen: Hello my faithful fans! Welcome to my talk show! Our first topic today is...Drum roll please. looks at cue card LEATHER PANTS!

(Audience squeals)

Allen: And our special guest today will be...

(Pink curtains begin to open. Rose petals fall from the ceiling)

Allen: The god of the full leather body suit...The master of mastering facial scar removal...Everyone give a warm welcome to...DILANDAU!

(Strobe lights flash!)

Dilandau: (Throws roses at adoring fans and winks at random muscle builder hot guy in the crowd) I'm very glad to be back from the institution...(Waves and smiles)

Allen: (Stands up to greet him and gives him a peck on each cheek. Dilandau does the same )It's been so long since we last talked...(Pulls out leather chair for Dilandau to sit on with a gentlemanly grace)

Dilandau: (Sits on chair...It squeaks. Leather on leather here people!) I KNOW! Hand flick

Allen: Would you like some tea? (Looks hopeful)

Dilandau: (Notices Allen's hopefulness and nods enthusiastically) Oh yes...i would love that very much!

Allen: You take two creams right?

Dilandau: With two sugars and a dab of honey! (Smiles) Could you make it a cup of Rose tea please?

Allen: Oh but of course, love! Folkie poo...We need you! (Rings bell on silver tray)

0(A very pissed of Folken comes in wearing a frilly maid's outfit holding a tray with two cups of tea)

Folken: (Mumbles) Here you are Mr Schezar...(Leans to put tray down, exposing frilly underwear)

Audience: (Cat calls and snaps photo)

Dilandau: Thank you...(Slips phone number under Folken's maid hat) Call me. (Winks)

Allen: That would be all Folkie...See you later...After the show...(Giggles behind a hand)

Dilandau: (Smacks Folken's ass as he walks away) Niiiiiice...

Folken: (Shudders) Stupid authoresses and making me do this...And all i get is a cookie! ONE DAMN COOKIE! (Cries)

Allen: Toddles! (Wiggle finger wave)

Dilandau: (Crosses legs, leather squeaks) So, like what are we going to talk about? This is a talk show right? OMG, i can't believe they Points to authoresses gave you this job! But you're so suited for it:D

Allen: I know! All I had to do to give to get this job was give a lock of my hair to Steph...(Sighs, and pats the back of his head)

Dilandau: It was so worth it!

Allen: Yep, it was...Anyhow, the cue card says i have to engage you in a conversation about leather pants...

Dilandau: (Looks at cue card)Yeah...Looks like your right. This is marvellous, i just so happened to wear my leather outfit today!

Audience: (Squeals and cheers)

Allen: OMG! (Hand flick) I wore my leather pants today too!

Dilandau and Allen: WE'RE HOT PIECES OF MAN MEAT! (Huggles)

Allen: Where did you get those wicked threads?

Dilandau: Actually...Lord Dornkirk made us these leather costumes for this musical we performed at the vione. He couldn't have us perform in our street clothes, that would have been shamefully embarrassing...The musical is called Slayers in Space! I highly recommend that you go see it. It certainly was a tear jerker...It's about two estranged lovers who were tragically separated deep in space. In order to find his lost love, Fernado, the main character, has to travel through space and time. I shouldn't give away the whole plot of the play...Go see it! I played the starring role...(Sniff) The script was beautifully written...

Allen: (Starts crying and hands Dilandau a pink scented tissue) I'd love to continue this but unfortunately, we have a caller on line one. (Dabs eyes with tissue)

Dilandau: May I?

Allen:( Nods) Go ahead...(Sniff)

Dilandau: YAY! (Picks up the purple fuzzy phone on the coffee table) Hello, this is Dilly speaking!

An obviously obvious guy trying to fake a girl's voice talks on the other end of the phone line: Hi! errrrr ummmm this is Eries...yeah. Princess Eries...Snickers behind a hand

Dilandau: Hi Eries! Long time no see! Your voice sounds kinda scratchy...

Allen: OH! i know this really good herbal tea remedy for coughs and colds--

Eries: Yeah...that's right! i have a cold...Yeah...

Dilandau: You poor thing...I'll have to send you something for that.

Allen: (Nods in agreement with Dilandau) So do you have a question for my guest?

Eries: Yeah...Actually i do...there are rumours going around that you're going to get a sex change...is that true?

Allen: Tisk tisk Rumours are very naughty things...

Dilandau: RUMOURS SHOULD BURN! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Ahem To answer your question---

(Another voice comes into the phone conversation)

Voice: Hello? Van...are you even talking on the phone? I can't hear anything...Van?

Eries...err I mean Van: HITOMI GET OFF THE DAMN PHONE! I'M TRYING TO HAVE A DECENT CONVERSATION HERE!

Allen and Dilandau: O.o

Eries? (Back into girly voice mode): Ahem Hello? Sorry about all the static...you were saying?

Dilandau: Van? Is that you Van?

Eries: Who is this Van you speak of? (Laughs nervously) Oh Van Fanel...him. I'm such a big fan of his. he's so handsome, manly, his hair is wicked smooth, his outfit is da bomb and not to mention fashionably fabulous, and he's a charming king to boot!

Allen: Well, it does sound like Eries...With a cold that is...(Rubs chin)

Dilandau: You're right...it sorta does. If Van was the caller I'd take my flamethrower to him! (Smiles evilly)

Allen: OH! Speaking of your Flamethrower, did you bring it with you today? It does wonders for your already wonderful outfit! (Giggles)

Dilandau: YES! in fact i did! Pulls out flamethrower I got some detail work done on it too!

Allen: OooooOooooo Shiny! The Rose painting is such a nice touch. (Pats flamethrower with awe)

Dilandau: I wanted it to be both personal and alluring all at once. A rose was an obvious choice.

Allen: Couldn't agree more (Sighs with admiration)

Eries: Ummmmmmm I'm still here. Hello? Aren't you going to answer my question?

Allen: Oh yeah...(Claps hands twice) Focus people! Focus!

Dilandau: Silly me...How could i forget all about the caller! (Giggles) Now, where was I? What was the question again?

Eries: What the hell is wrong with you! (Screams in frustration)

Allen and Dilandau: What!

Allen:( Looks at Dilandau) there is nothing wrong with me! Dilandau here...well his sanity could be called into question once in awhile. Beyond that, there's nothing wrong with him. (Comforts a distraught Dilandau)

Dilandau: It hurts cuz it's true...Whaaaaaaaaa

Allen: Look what you've done Eries! Stops for a moment to ponder Wait a second...The real Eries would never try to hurt Dilandau's feelings. You must be an IMPOSTER!

Eries: (GASP!) I AM NOT! You take that back this instant Allen Schezar! I shouldn't need to remind you of all people that i am a princess of Austuria!

(Laughing heard in the background of 'Eries's' line)

Dilandau: (Blows his nose on lacy handkerchief )I'll be alright Allen...She didn't mean any harm.

Allen: Are you sure Dilandau? (Concerned look)

Eries (Talking in a very Vanish manner ): HITOMI! STOP LAUGHING! IT'S NOT FUNNY! SHUT UP, I'M TRYING TO HEAR WHAT THEY'RE SAYING!

Hitomi: OMG, Van! I can hear your voice on Allen's talk show! (Laughs uproariously)

Van: YOU'RE WATCHING THAT SHOW! O.o

Hitomi: (Continues to laugh)

Van: SHUT IT! GO AWAY!

Allen and Dilandau: O.o

Allen: Eries, do you have Van and Hitomi over at your castle?

Eries: ...Teehee?

Dilandau: You should of told us that in the first place! I'll have to come over and visit them and give you some of Allen's cold medication of course! (Smiles)

Eries? Sounding way too much like Van : NO!

Allen: Excuse me?

Eries: I mean...errr. No, you'll catch my cold (Fake cough)

Dilandau: Then why are they over?

(Hitomi's laughing in the background becomes way more obvious)

Allen: Why is Hitomi laughing so hard? (Scratches head)

Eries: errrrrrr Don't mind her...She just thinks it's funny that you'd ask that. Hitomi is helping me...get rid of my cold...errr yeah, that's it. (Relived sigh)

Dilandau: Sounds plausible...

Allen:( Takes a sip of his tea with his Pinky up) Indeed...

Eries: So, are you going through with the operation or what, Dilandau?

Dilandau: WHAT OPERATION!

Allen: (Whispers into Dilandau's ear)

Dilandau: Oh...Oh...OH! (Starts laughing) No, I'm not going to have an operation of THAT sort...(Sniffs indignantly) You of all people should know that...

Allen: Shame on you Eries! (Looks insulted)

Eries: But I could of swore...that you both--

Allen: Both what?

Eries: Never mind.

Dilandau: Tell us...or I'll torch your castle! Muhahahahahahaha

Eries: ...Heh...heh (Laughs nervously) Well, i thought you two were...You know...Gay.

Dilandau and Allen: (Look at each other and start laughing )LIKE HELLO! (Hand flick)

Hitomi: (Picks up the other phone again )Van, this has to stop. Seriously Van, you need to go get a hobby or something. I had this weird vision that Allen and Dilandau came to our house and gave you a makeover...the results were most horrible. You should hang up before those two have figured out that you impersonated Eries and called Allen's talk show. By the looks on their faces right now, it looks like they're starting to question your identity. OH LOOK! Dilandau is reving up his flamethrower and Allen is getting his make-up box out...Wow, they look pissed off.

Van: HITOMI YOU TRAITOR! (Starts crying) I thought i actually meant something to you...Now, those fruitcakes are going to bludgeon me to death with the back of Allen's hair brush! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! (Hangs up)

Hitomi: Woopsie daisy...My bad. (Hangs up phone)

Allen and Dilandau: (Look at each other )You thinking what I'm thinking?

Allen and Dilandau: HELL YEAH!

Audience cheers them on GO GET EM TIGERS GRRRR (insert jerry springer music)

Allen: (Wipes a tear from his eye) Thank you all for your support! You're all such beautiful people...I mean that, from the bottom of my hair roots.

Dilandau: Farewell my beloved fans! I bid thee adieu. Till we meet again (Blows kisses and throws roses)

Allen and Dilandau: Ta Ta for now! (Waves to the cheering crowd and they both dash madly for the door)

AN: Sequel? We'll see precious. We'll see. OW! Damn purple ppl eaters... WILL I EVER HAVE PEACE!

review if ya wanna. laters


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